Today was a big day. There was a lot going on that represented change in the life we had to the life we will soon experience. To be honest today felt like the achievement of all My wife had been working for over the last three years. For me it was a moment of relief and pride. To see someone dream a dream and meet that dream in reality is a wonderful thing to behold.
Interestingly enough, this inspired me to write a three part series of blog posts but starting from the middle. The original idea as it came to me wanted to detail what it was like to be single, and then to be in the process of falling in love to finally observing long term desire within ones relationship. The bit about starting in the middle struck me as I watched “I don’t wanna know”- by NewFoundGlory for the thousandth time since middle school again today. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IDH5-a-cCM) For me, this song was my first taste of what the average milestones in life would probably look like as they played out in my own life. In regards to the video they created for this song, life happens on a park bench. The sway from meeting to married to hardship and recovery after marriage was something I never could have understood as the sixth or seventh grader I was when I saw this video but it would be something I am glad I took notice of as a young child due to the fact that it stuck with me till now. This song is a constant reference for me as it is a soothing reminder that life can never feel great it if doesn’t get fucked up as well and thus is my understanding of love itself. BUT this here is about the events leading one to that whole “I do” moment.
For me, falling in love happened and then I realized it after the fact. The pretext to that realization was about three years of ups and downs as two people attempt to slam there lives together until they fit somewhere between perfect and acceptable. For my wife and I this process certainly had its highs because we could truly relate to almost nothing leading to fresh and new experiences for both of us to trade and enjoy. But the process also had its lows due to our stubborn natures. I personally bottled far to many grievances where she vocalized a few too many. For about a year this flew and at the end of it we had a hectic and awkward break up where I just stopped talking to someone who lived in my apartment while she tried her absolute best to understand why I was pulling one of the worst “please just break up with me so I wont have to do it” tactics this world has ever known. This break up lasted about a month before I personally realized I needed to reexamine the relationship I had let go because I found myself attempting to convince myself that it was the right decision even a month after our break. During that time, I felt confused and even now I cannot remember why we were even fighting to begin with. (a testament to how trivial some arguments can be). SO, this lead to me asking her to have dinner again to talk things through. Surprisingly enough, with very few words said we started a period of our lives that we would never forget. Communication became key, differences were listened to rather than forcibly adapted to by one person or the other. Compromises became the name of the game and fighting occurred… never? really? maybe once after a hectic move but was hardly considered a fight in our books.
Moving along a couple years after college graduation I had a friend that I was consoling through a break up over lunch at a shitty mall located next to our shitty job across the street when he asked me if I ever wished I was single again when I saw an attractive individual for the first time. I for some reason began to critically think about this question. This question stuck there in my mind, puzzling me and exciting me all at the same time. The answer I kept arriving at was no. No, I have not once in the last three years desired to be single again or with another female. And in that moment, eating my admittedly fantastic teriyaki chicken from a stand in the mall food court knew that I had fallen in love somewhere in between that then and three years prior after that fateful dinner a month after our break up. That day, I bought a ring and hid it in my car for six months only to find out on the day of proposal that Gretchen found it six months ago the day I put that monkey in there.
I think the moral of this story is fight about dumb shit because it may just be the thing that allows you to let something you love go. If things work out you know it was meant to be. If you never see each other again be happy and move on. There is no time to linger on the “what ifs” in life. Stay in the present, stay happy, and stay ready for anything that comes along that has the potential to light your heart on fire.