In reverse order from the title, I finally have time to catch up on this blog because my schedule drastically shifted at work by four hours! Is this a bad thing? Maybe, right now however its pretty alright. I did bitch and whine about it all afternoon till my hearts content but after all that and after everyone scattered off to bed I found myself with something special. Something I have not had in about two months or so after the craziness of moving and getting married. Time alone… sweet sweet sweet time alone. In order to write in this blog I generally need at least one large gap of time away from anyone or anything in order to just get myself together long enough to form one exhausting cohesive thought. Granted that it has been a long while, this will probably be a mishmash of whatever crosses my mind during the course of writing this.
First and fore most however is a topic of conversation that has come across the pillows before bed between my wife and I and that topic has centered around why I still feel a lack of fulfillment in my career life even though I have been set well on my way to becoming an IT professional. I think the main reason for this lack of fulfillment is due to the fact that my childhood self never imagined me sitting in an office behind a desk for a living bantering about the weather or what this or that is happening in the news with fellow co workers. I always imagined myself moving and shaking in a world that was about something more. Something more than just the trivial problems of the office and the work that surrounds the hours in the day. I wanted a job that did not feel like work but rather an experience that I would treasure for all my days. To be clear, my co workers are tight A.F. and I would not trade them for the world. I merely want a job that is ALSO tight A.F. so my friends in the work place are not the only thing I am able to get excited about when I smash a hammer down on whatever annoyingly loud contradiction of an alarm tone i am waking up to. Alain De Botton said in so many words that the way we as humans define success needs to change. I wholeheartedly agree with this philosophy and believe that I need to find out what it is that allows me to feel that I have achieved success in my life and fast.
I definitely came to DC with a mentality that has since changed. I thought to myself when I woke up “this is it, the start of the good ol days. The start of the days that feel important in the work place.” I felt like I was becoming a great American contributor to our great nation. I was doing IT a field I love to be around even in my off time, I was working for the State Department (one of the best departments to work for in the Government of the United States), and above all else I was far outside the grasp of retail. However, after the wedding and the crazy busy schedule died down I was left confronting a feeling of doubt, a pang of sadness among very joyous days. I began to realize that I absolutely hate being in an office. I hate being in an office so much I began to deny any single activity that included me being in an office outside the boundaries of an eight hour workday. And where has that landed me? With a schedule that anyone would quickly recognize as one of the worst schedules to have. 11-7 FUCK, literally the poster child of shifts gone wrong. The shift that robs you of any morning and nightly activities. UGH. Office…settings… all through the mid day. go to bed, wake up, office setting again. I guess its cool though. I am really going to be able to get used to this 11pm-2am alone time shift do kind of just do whatever the hell I fancy in the house. TONIGHT its about music and the anime that got me back into the desire to play it.
Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso or Your lie in April is not only one of the prettiest Anime I have ever seen but it is most certainly one of the most eloquent stories I have ever been told. From start to finish you find your self on a roller coaster of emotions. The relationships that intertwine the characters together are timeless and leave you pondering them well after the last episode. You will begin to wonder what ifs, whats next, and why god why through out the shows entire 22 episode run. BUT the biggest character and plot device does not rest within the characters themselves but the music they create and the sound track of the show itself. I have been listening to the soundtrack of this shows for almost a year now. This is months and months before I saw the anime itself last saturday with Gretchen. This proved to be a happy mistake because I was carried by familiar tunes through the flow events that took place between the characters in the show. Gretchen however, had no such context and she found herself in tears by the end. I myself was absolutely astonished by how well the soundtrack interacted with the story telling of the anime. Well executed to say the least! The tunes ranged from a marvelous blend of poppy dance beats to solo piano tunes from Mozart and Chopin to a fresh and modern iteration of old classical songs via the main characters respective instruments. If you love music and you love anime or one or the other you have to see this spectacular show. I know this is all very vague in the telling of what makes the show great but GOOD, there wont be any spoilers.
After the conclusion of the show I was certainly left with the desire to play music of that caliber once again. My brother and I were among a few of our friends and classmates as a whole that played in an orchestra all through our formative years from middle school to high school. Those years in that orchestra room never meant so much to me as they did after I realize what I left behind once I watched Your Lie in April. I would love to be able to pick up my old stand up bass or the rented cello sitting in that dingy garage room at our high school and just started playing with the ensemble one more time for old times sake. Of course I would be six years out of practice and more than likely struggle my way through My heart will go on even though we played it half a million times over the seven years I was in orchestra but it would still be the best nostalgic feeling I could imagine.
TLDR: Career life has yet to live up to expectations and I already scream at the top of my mental lungs for something more down to earth and fulfilling than filling in text boxes for software related issues day in and day out. Oh and go watch Your Lie in April… its great. (really great)…Heres a link to the soundtrack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ikh3Pd1goF4