“The fabric and structure of existence itself” – Alan Watts
Last week, I wandered through the internet and stumbled upon a video featuring Alan Watts (a man I never heard of) talk about “knowing who you are” in a different way than I had ever previously thought about. About half way through this video I heard one of the more powerful statements I have heard to date. “You are the fabric and structure of existence itself.” I do not know exactly why but this quote instantly made me feel more comfortable to be who I am and where I was currently physically as well as mentally at that time.
I have since become enthralled with the channel Tragedy and Hopes dub over videos of Alan Watts’s philosophical lectures over beautiful landscapes and imagery. These videos have inspired me to find signification within my daily life. This quote in particular really frames how I have personally interpreted a good portion of what he has been talking about in these lecture sound bytes. Lately, I have been struggling deeply with attempting to reconcile my child like wonder as it relates to growing up in debt. I appreciate the debt I am in and what that ultimately means I have achieved but I cannot help but wonder what life would be like debt free. However, I feel that being in debt has turned child like wonder into a lion that feels trapped in the cage of my mind and heart. I have a burning desire to “find” whats “out there”. I have been mitigated as a seeker in my own mind by my own mind. I keep telling myself that my journey has been narrowed for so long that I am afraid that I have started to believe that and forget that options are out there.
One option that has always been out there has been the internet. I truly enjoy the term “electronic Buddhism” that I first heard on Jason Silva’s channel “Shots of Awe”. Silva relates this term to raves and beats per minute at an artistic display of musical release from the every day. I like to think of this term as that revaltory moment one can feel after stumping upon an “AH HA” moment while seeking on the internet and its many destinations. I currently may not be able to afford time away from my job to stave off the constant need to pay bills but I can certainly get used to being a seeker on the world wide web if it continues to lead to moments like the one I enjoyed via hearing Alan Watts voice for the first time while on a thirty minute lunch break from the every day of my current job. These moments really give life to the day to day moments I tend to view as forgettable. Further more it allows me to remember that each moment is precious in its own right.